Saturday, October 10, 2015

I didn't expect that Essay #2

Yesterday I suggested to Phil that we take Theo down to the park near the river before dinner. Sometimes I get frustrated being a working mom because it feels like you have this two hour window every day to have a meaningful interaction with your sweet little human. In my mind, we would go down to the river, maybe walk along the path checking out the changing colors and then head home. You know what ended up being the best part of the park? The monument near the parking lot with gasp two whole stairs to throw a ball up and down over and over. A quick run with the dog through the grassy field and then it was time to go home. I had to laugh on the way home because of course that would be how that played out. Paths left unexplored, river left lonely but the monument by the parking lot made a new best friend. 

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Coffee Break: Essay #1 on Motherhood

I get so excited when I get a couple hours break that I am almost paralyzed by the possibilities. I could go to target and slowly browse the shit, wait that sounds awful. I could get my eyebrows waxed, I could and should quit the gym membership that you have to quit in person which is so stupid since I can't get there in person and hence why I need to quit it. Instead I try to listen to my exhausted, overworked, overwhelmed heart which says, go to a coffee shop, enjoy drinking a hot cup of coffee instead of having to reheat one over and over. Read a book. No pressure to create, invoke something other than just absorb and be filled with poetry. Get out of the house where the Everest of chores looms on your shoulder, go out into the world and pretend you belong at a coffee shop again. So I do and I order food and by habit inhale my sandwich until the last couple bites and realize I don't have to. 

Then I catch a glimpse of myself, dis-shuffled realize I look incomplete without my reason for looking so in towe. I Almost need a name tag that says, I'm a mom so excuse my hair, my workout pants and baggy eyes. Then a couple with kids my sons age plus a 4 year old brother enter the shop, sit down, eat and I feel defeated, I didn't know you could do that, actually sit and eat. But then you can't because the mom is up every 2 minutes at the toy box while the husband surfs his Iphone, calling her over to come look at something they're looking for on Craigslist and she walks back and forth between her boys and her husband responding to their immediate needs. I almost want to engage her in conversation curious about the age differences between the boys as I ponder our future, but then I would be just a another person requesting her attention. 

Grandma texts saying the babe is asleep, a perfect time to return to my castle or my dungeon depending on how one views it and how much sleep you got the night before.